You go through a sad phase and still manage to pull off a killer smile, you’re considered a happy person. You’re generally happy but still feel like there’s something that you’re missing out on and maybe that’s why you ain’t smiling? That’s when you’re considered a greedy person cus you’re craving for more. You have thousands of followers on Instagram and you’re named as the social butterfly that’s when at times you’re considered lucky (duh). You know tonnes of people and have several friends or several people claiming to be your friend but still you feel like you can’t open up or have no one to talk to? That’s when they label you as alone or depressed and when you wanna cry without being able to give a reason, that’s when you’re labeled as a loser or a psychopath.
It’s so weird to see that people have labels for almost every mood, every phase and every expression and are just ready to paste it on you any minute like why? Why do we let others decide how we’re feeling or what we’re going through? Why do we let em control the inner us? Why do we give them the authority? Maybe because we feel that we’re not good enough, not even for ourselves…. Well honestly can’t blame anyone cus I was the same in fact a part of me is still the same, always waiting for reassurance bout how I’m feeling, how am I looking or what I’m growing through from the people who barely know the real me and somehow I even believed what they told me and that was one of my biggest mistakes.
I told you guys that I’ve been through a lot more than half of the people and less than what the other half went through, I’ve been broken as hell, I’ve been seconds away from giving up, not once, not twice but almost seventeen times, I always craved for someone to talk to and pour my heart out and when I actually made some real friends it was too late cus by that time I built walls (that I name denial) around my heart that just won’t accept any care, affection, attention, honesty and love because I thought that I was meant to be depressed, alone or you can say that I didn’t believe in goodness or positivism anymore like I thought that true people who’re ready to accept you the way you are, don’t exist anymore but I was wrong. I was such a positive person before depression hit me and then all of a sudden it was like I had some kind of force in me that would repel the positive factors and suck all the negative parts making me the worst version of myself in short I was dead on the inside like I was all numb and OHGOD! THAT FEELING SUCKS MAN!! Like honestly feeling that way made me feel even more bad like I felt pity and sympathetic for myself, weird right? I depended on everyone to feel happy and lively but myself as if I couldn’t trust myself to handle me.
Aghhhh if imma get into this ‘not trusting myself’ topic trust me this blog ain’t gonna end so let’s just say that I was sitting in a roller-coaster which was just going down and I knew that the belt wasn’t strong enough to keep me safe but I was just goin with it probably cus I wanted to know what it feels like when you go up after a long down trip and like they say that there’s a good side to everything, well my friends and family made me see that good part a long time back but today is the day when I can actually realize that positive side and feel it in me. I think I’m gonna keep the rest for my next blog so here’s the thing…
I am an insomniac and I’ve been through depression and anxiety but I was labeled as “depressed” for being an insomniac and because I always think more like over-think bout anything and everything. Being a kid I was a tomboy and I’m still one on the inside and because of that I used to hangout with guys and play with em and that was considered okay by everyone and later when I was growing up and then if I talk to a boy or crack jokes with em or call em, I was labeled as a characterless ‘hoe’, ‘slut’ etc.. and people think that it’s nothing but what they don’t realize is how such small words can put a negative impact on your mind and make you feel disgusted in your own skin. I’ve been labeled as weird because I like my ice cream with hot chocolate I mean c’mon it tastes GREATTT!!!! but I stopped eating my ice cream that way for years because I was afraid of how people would label me I mean ice cream is not the point, the point is that you’re always going to meet people who’ll put labels on you but don’t let those labels define you instead make them a way of refining you, never let any ‘OMG! You’re such a loser’ make you feel like one because you don’t know what if they’re tryina bring you down like this because they can’t reach up to your level, never let any ‘Aw you’re such a loner’ make you feel alone or lonely because that leads to hella over-thinking, trust me on this one because no one knows what you’re feelin except for you and yourself but the sad part is that we don’t know how much happiness in the world do we deserve and that’s 100% of it, that is where I made a mistake, by letting them labels define me which made me a more sad person and took me on the worst stage of life. In short I’ve been dead on the inside for a long time maybe because I always waited for others to make me feel happy and alive also some random person who’s probably dead now said that “Death is not the greatest loss but the greatest loss is when we lose ourselves on the inside while we’re still alive”.
So now I will depend on myself for being happy and always make myself my own first priority cus I am done being sad and depressed and crying the whole night inside my pillow so shoutout to all the haters for taking me through the shittiest phase of my life and putting up the worst labels possible over my name because it made me Moore determined to bring a change and without going through hell how would’ve I known what heaven feels like also I was never taught to give up but to fight so that’s what imma do and now it’s time to set things right, give life another shot and be the writer of our own stories so here’s the thing… I AM NOT A SAD STORY ANYMORE.
Note: I know that some people might think that this flop motivator who looks so hyped for good days to come will start writing depressive shit and i guess there’s nothing wrong with that i mean mood swings are a part of how we humans are. From this day onward we can’t change ourselves completely but we can make a promise to ourselves that we won’t ever let anything meaningless bring us down, always try our best to see the positive side no matter how tough the times are, be there for each other by becoming each other’s strength and never like ever become one judgmental creep who doesn’t let others live…. and kindly ignore the grammatical errors cus unfortunately I’m a human, born to make mistakes ya know, also i framed this blog in another way but it turned out to be a weird mess of my thoughts so best of luck figuring out until then Ciao Adios!